People can make us or they can break us, whether that’s in business or our personal lives. This is one thing in life you can guarantee…along with death and the tax man!
I’ve taken this life class, the one where you discover what people can really do to you, the result being I pretty much lost everything; materially, physically, financially but most of all mentally. The actions of so-called ‘friends’ left me in a place I never thought I’d be, and once I was there it felt like a place I would never escape from. Why did they do this? Probably because they’re human, they can, it’s easier to destroy someone else than admit your own inadequacies.
But over time it’s taught me how to deal with people in both my personal and business life. How to negotiate characters, how to differentiate good from bad, useful from harmful and so on; but most importantly how to be around people that are good for me and be brave enough to remove myself from the company of those that are not.
People are one of the biggest motivators or biggest drains on our lives. They can support, encourage and inspire us to great things but in equal measures they can drain us mentally, physically and financially.
Who are Some of the People in Our Lives?
What are some of the things they require from us?
* un-conditional love
* expectations to be there for them and do everything at any time
* cooking, cleaning, shopping…all domestic duties
* earn money, pay bills, give out pocket-money
* control arguments, fight fires (not in the literal sense)
* expectancy to be on ‘their side’
* someone to rely on in tough times & someone to share fun times with
* a 24-hour support network
* trust and respect
* help & support (24-hour)
* expect you to go above and beyond
* fairy Godmother/father
* help & support
* having ‘their back’
* trust and support
* mutual regard
* high expectations
* help and support and ‘hand holding’
* training & mentoring
We can be in contact with all these people in any one day and this makes for an awful lot of different demands from many people of just one person; you.
This is physically and emotionally draining and the demands placed on us affect us in so many different ways.
How do People Affect Us?
* our feelings
* the support (or lack) of us
* make us or break us
* success or failure
Think about someone you have had close contact with today, it may be a friend or family member, client, colleague, employee or competitor.
* What did they require of you?
* what did you give them?
* how did you make them feel?
* what did they give you in return?
* How did this make you feel?
How do we Manage These People?
When different people want so much of us we have to learn how to manage these people. We can’t burn ourselves out for the benefit of everyone else. It’s time to put yourself first. So, here’s a few hints on how to manage people:
First up, look after yourself or you’re no good to anyone. Eat well, exercise, sleep, enjoy things in your life. That’s the first way we can start to manage the people in our lives.
Blend: blend what you want and what you need with what you can give.
Don’t give to other people more than you give to yourself.
Be honest and transparent. Don’t tell or give people what they want, tell them or give them what they need.
Go the extra mile for clients. It will make you feel good.
Don’t be bullied by family and friends. If you don’t or can’t give them what they want, don’t beat yourself up about it.
If you don’t like someone or they are ‘toxic’ in your life, bin them. Don’t be scared to do that to family either. Just because you’re related doesn’t give them the right to break you.
Don’t keep giving second chances to people. There’s only ever one second chance.
Be kind and loving to everyone that deserves it from you.
Be respectful and trusting to those that deserve it from you.
Treat people as you wish to be treated.
Don’t always be the listener. Turn to people for help and support, be that a mentor, colleague or friend.
Be kind to competitors (they’ll hate it for starters!).
Be confident in yourself and your brand, this will help you hold your head high against any ‘haters.’ (remember that quote “hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring”).
Love what you do and do what you love…. if you do, no-one can destroy you!
Much love, Tabby x