How to PERFORM with Grief

We all have to perform in life. Performance isn’t just reserved for those on a stage, in a boardroom or in a sporting stadium, it’s something we all have to do to get through each and every day.

Regardless of the stress and pressure we experience, the events we have to deal with or the grief we have to live with, in order to function, to embrace and move forwards with our trauma, pain and busy lives, we have to perform.

It’s when we are going through our most difficult experiences that we have to work even harder to give a good performance; not for the benefit of other people, but for ourselves.

For me, to perform means to have:






Reality, and to

Make things happen.

All these elements combined allow us to support our own wellbeing, increase our emotional fitness and develop our ability to live life and function when we face the most difficult and traumatic of situations.

To my memory, grief has been a part of my life for three of my four decades on this planet and it’s something I have both fought, embraced, hated and loved.

Let’s remember grief is not just present following the death of a person. People grieve in many ways and for many reasons. Grief is present after any kind of loss; the loss of a person, a pet, a job,  a relationship, a lifestyle and no person’s grief is greater than another’s. Grief is personal, it’s ongoing, it’s difficult but it can also be beautiful, like a complex and compelling piece of artwork.

But in order to find the beauty, to embrace it and learn to co-habit with our grief we have to PERFORM. Take all those elements of positivity, enjoyment, resilience, flourishing, openness, reality and make it happen for ourselves, so we can live life to the fullest even when our heart feels the weakest.

In the wake of grief we often refer to our heart as being broken, empty and as if we have lost a part of our heart with the person we have lost. I choose to think differently; to think that my heart is broken not because of a part of it that has been lost but because we gained all the love our loved one left behind and we’re trying to squeeze it all in to what space our heart has.

The pain we feel is not just because we have lost, but because our heart is so full of love and it’s accommodating all the love and happy memories left with us for safekeeping. When we start to embrace this, to embrace grief as all the love that is left behind, we start to live again.

How do we get there? By learning to PERFORM.

Trust me, I know it’s not always easy. Nearly three years since my husband Simon died and the grief is weighing heavy on me at the moment. Numerous triggers, so many tears and a lot of self-doubt around whether I can achieve, be satisfied and function comprehensively without him both professionally and personally, but it’s been by embracing all the elements of this PERFORM strategy, that allows me to still function, manage and live my life with happiness, alongside the tears and wobbles and without my emotional fitness being massively affected negatively.

We are all allowed our wobbles, in fact we should have them, and by being vulnerable and open about them we continue our healing, because healing is continuous. Our sharing also helps others who may be experiencing their own troubles.

We are storytellers by nature and sharing stories is important. Share your stories with me, of you, your loved ones, your wins and your struggles.

If you want more information on grief coaching, how to perform or how to share your story, then please get in touch. I’d love to help and support you. You can email me at

Let’s keep sharing and keep performing.

Much Love, Tabby xxx

Published by modeforevents

To be inspired and to inspire others are amazing qualities and inspiration, love, passion & professionalism make the foundations of Mode for...Events. For events, weddings, music, food and more, Mode for...Events is the complete wedding and events specialist.

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